It is now 6 weeks and 3 days since Megan left us. (I usually say she died, but since today I'm feeling pitiful, I'm going with the full victimization and saying she LEFT us--like she had a choice...)
I thought somehow it would start to be easier by now. It seems to have gotten more difficult.
Perhaps I was too busy with all the details that come with death. Funeral arrangements, family, food for the masses, etc. No time to think.
And then I was too busy when my parents house burned down just a week and a half after the funeral. I scurried to Louisiana to see if I could help. Lots to do when a house burns down. No time to think. Two weeks later I returned home.
And then I had an old high school pal visit for another week. So much to do in that week we had together. No time to think.
So now the grief just crushes me. I'm not a crier. Seriously, I hate to cry. I especially hate to cry in front of people. But I find myself crying at the most unexpected times. And I find this lack of control so utterly "not me." I mean, who cries over a Christmas that has yet to happen or cries at "so you think you can dance" marathons or cries in the middle of a Mexican restaurant when they see a little girl picking her nose?
Yep, I'm a mess. And I see no way to clean up the mess. Not enough time for that either.
Recovery to Equilibrium
1 year ago
5 comments:
Maybe you just gotta let the mess be a mess for a while. Your grief got delayed, but it won't be denied. I'm so sorry, Marie -
Hugs to you Marie.........I think your just going to face it head first and let it happen......I think it won't get better but it will get easier.....
((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
Sending strength your way.
One day - one minute at a time.
XOXXO
Sometimes you need to flow with the current, not fight against it. I cannot begin to count how many hours I have cried in the past 14 years.
Let yourself cry w/o guilt. You lost a part of your heart and soul. A gazillion hugs and my shoulder to you, my friend.
Ms Brown (Megan ALWAYS told me to call you by "Ms. Brown" because of your southern heritage),
I just heard the news today. I don't even know what to say. Last I heard from Meg, everything was going good. I'd love to hear from you. My email is londrinadave@gmail.com. An AMAZING person is no longer with us. Hope to hear from you soon.
-Dave Anderson
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